Don't Come Back!

Haha! Oh dear. The Guardian’s travel editor has sent his widdle boy Max (how these names date! Every meeja boy-child caesareaned-out in the last five years is called Jasper innit?) on a trip round India, at the Guardians expense. All Max needs to do is blog about it every day. What could go wrong? Erm, how about the fact he’s totally pissed all their readers off before he’s even got on the plane? Max’s middle class witterings and – more importantly – hundreds of comments about what a twat he is in the link below.

I knew a girl who went to India on one of these middle class idiot jollies. She came back complaining about the poverty and how adults made their kids beg at train stations! What was she expecting? An intensive yoga session? Twonks!

It’s nothing new though readers. There are loads of Maxes in the “industry”. Ever wondered how Polly Hudson has got a columnist job and a £90k a year salary for her weekly inane crap-fest at the Mirror? Her dad’s mates with the editor innit?

Effing hell. It’s not like this in retail…

Link to Max's odyssey

Another Waste of Everyones Time

Move over Oscar night, we’ve just been to the party of the year! Of course we haven’t at all. It was the usual dismal free lager ,wine and mini burgers affair. This time it was all in aid of keeping Mr T off Income Support. He’s been signed up to promote Snickers. We’re guessing he’s got more competitive rates than Hulk Hogan or The Rock – not having troubled our TV screens since 1988.

They didn’t even bother to fly him over. Instead they made him do a stupid rap about Snickers via a satellite link from LA. Then some PR flunkies – described to him as ‘the British public’ – asked him some stupid questions. After T reminded us George Peppard died in 1994 some dizzy bint asked “when is there going to be an A-Team reunion?”

The “brains” behind this operation didn’t stop at getting Mr T’s face on the Snickers wrappers though, oh no, they’ve set up a Facebook page where “lads” can post pictures when they “catch a mate eye-deep in a copy of Grazia.” Coz young people like Facebook don’t they? Maybe if Snickers is on Facebook they’ll like Snickers too? Genius!

Fucking hell. Bleed them dry Mr T!

KATE HUMBLE – Confidence Trickster!

Imagine my surprise when I got this anonymous tip-off about the social life of permy-headed badger-botherer Kate Humble. Some PR loon thought spamming me a load of nonsense about an F-lister’s boozing habits might qualify for our “spotted” section. Guess what? There is no “spotted” section at my place of employment! Yes this is the cold, calculated and murky world I work in readers. Alas! This publicity hungry genius reckoned without the obvious facts that no one gives a flying toss about Kate Humble let alone “draught wine”. Poor old Kate, does she know the deceit that’s perpetrated in her name? The full horror lies below…

"Hi there

I wanted to let you know I saw Kate Humble at Browns Bar & Brasserie in Covent Garden enjoying a glass of draught Sauvignon Blanc, commenting how she cannot belive draught wine tastes that good!
Thought it might be of interest..."